Picking Up The Pieces

Something very near and dear to my heart is the role parents play in raising children.  Parents are already charged with a million different duties that are overwhelming and at times almost impossible to accomplish.  Tasks include providing a healthy home, keeping a marriage alive and romantic, cleaning and paying bills.  The list can seem endless and children may often be left in the peripheries.   

Paul addresses issues of marriage in Ephesian chapter five.  However, this ideal concept has fallen away.  The worst is when there is a gross breakdown of rules and boundaries.  Abusive relationships, adultery, or one of the parents abandoning the family all leave very significant marks upon both spouse and children.  Healing can take a lifetime and more often than not requires serious therapy.  

For children the consequences run even deeper.  Relationship roles are redefined and changed, trust issues are formed, and many needs are met in unhealthy ways.  How can we as Chi Alpha Campus Ministry address the issues of a broken home life on the college campus?

Let me tell the story of my scars and how God led me into a place of forgiveness and healing.  (Warning the following story contains some graphic material.)

My family life was rough as a kid.  My parents always fought both physically and verbally.  My father never hit me, but only because my mother intercepted him.  After several years of abusive marriage my mother divorced my father.  It wasn't easy for her as a single mother.  She was a Special Education teacher and loved her job and her students but had a hard time raising two emotionally scarred children.  She herself suffered from Bipolar Disorder which made life even more complicated.  There were massive spending sprees that accrued debt and weeks where she didn't even want to get out of bed.  She struggled as a mother but she did her best.  However finances became too much for her to bear alone and she moved back in with her parents.  After years of disability leave, therapy, and attempts by her parents to help her get on her feet she decided it was easier to move back in with my father where the abuse started again. After a period of about two years it finally became too much for her and she took her life.  I was only sixteen.  

How do you explain to a teenager that his father and mother have both abandoned him?  This was the task that my Grandparents faced.  They tried the best they could to explain things to me.  That mom loved me dearly even though she abandoned me.  Shortly after the incident my Grandparents decided it was in my best interest to become my legal guardians and raise me throughout the rest of my childhood.  To this day I consider this a miracle.  They put all the support checks into a bank account to prepare me for college and paid for everything I needed out of their personal accounts.  They supported and loved me in ways I had never known.  But questions and memories still lingered in my young head.  Why did this happen?  If there was a God why would he let this happen!  

Fast-forward to my freshmen year of college.  I had trouble forming new friendships.  In fact, I couldn’t form any.  “Everyone will leave me eventually” is a thought that constantly ran through my head.  So I didn’t seek out friends but longed for somebody, anybody to reach out to me.  So I did something I hadn’t done in years.  I prayed.  “Lord, if you will give me one friend, I will stay in college and not quit.  You have one week to prove to me that this is worth it.”  

God likes to answer the desperate ultimatums of those seeking Him for the first time.  It’s the cries of the desperate that He loves to answer.  How do I know?  

I prayed that prayer on a Sunday evening and by Friday evening I had a set of friends that would change my life forever.  Why?  Because they pursued me.  They were intentional with me and loved me in ways that I hadn’t felt before.  Their names were Kristin, Jessica, and Will.   Through them I would form lasting friendships and learn what it was to love somebody.  Eventually, through their friendships and my own research I would find Jesus.  

Now, what does this have to do with healing the scars of my childhood?  Let’s look.  There are a multitude of commands in the Old Testament that talks about loving the orphan and the widow.  But there is one Psalm in particular that I think is what God wants us as a church to embody.  

Psalm 27:7-10 says this:

Hear me as I pray, O Lord.

Be merciful and answer me!

My heart has heard you say, "Come and talk with me."

And my heart responds, "Lord I am coming."

Do not turn your back on me.

Do not reject your servant in anger.

You have always been my helper.

Don't leave me now; don't abandon me,

O God of my salvation!

Even if my father and mother abandon me,

the Lord will hold me close.

This cry of David is very intimate and very personal.  I have no idea what his parents have done to make David feel abandoned but he is confident in 3 things.  1) The Lord hears our prayers.  2) The Lord speaks.  3) The Lord will never abandon us.  You see God the Father loves us as children.  We are His adopted heirs!  In fact the Lord wants to father us.  He wants to teach us and provide us with the things we need in this life to make it safely to the end.  In my case, God used my Grandparents to care for me, provide for me, and lead me to a place that when I was ready, He could take over.  God was patient and helped me to understand what my parents went through.  He taught me about forgiveness and gave me time to work it out.  Without God and Chi Alpha I would still be hanging on to immense pain and grudges against my father and mother.  

I am the student that walks by you daily.  Do you care enough to pursue me and introduce me to the Father who can heal the deepest wounds?  

Psalm 68:6 Part 1

Psalm 68:6 God sets the lonely in families; he leads forth the prisoners with singing; but the rebellious live in a sun scorched land. 

All my life I have been prone to seek out people.  I am a pretty big extravert and consider it a blessing.  Still, there are times when I feel lonely, especially as I begin to ponder the options that are available to me after I complete my internship at Auburn.  While I have not yet begun to pray about this, one thing that has been on my heart is marriage.  What is it really?  How do I begin the process of dating again in a Godly way that protects my heart and the heart of my partner?  (Proverbs 4:23 Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.)

This led me to some questions like “Why did God design us to be relational?  Why has the idea of getting married become debated in our society?”  These personal questions then led me to a deeper line of questioning: “Why are we prone to make a spouse a perfect person who we fantasize about?  Or, why is marriage the last big step in our goal making process instead of the first step to a bigger dream? Lastly, why are we so lonely when we aren’t dating someone?”  I stand firm in that God has blessed us through the gift of marriage, but there needs to be something bigger than marriage.  We are not designed for just one person.  God created us for a bigger purpose. . . Family.

I firmly believe that God places the lonely in families!  He does this because as family can handle the biggest of issues in our lives.  Therefore, we as the body of Christ need to be loving, and family oriented.  To celebrate wins together, and process losses together.  To feast and express joy together.  To grow in size and relatedness.  God so loves us, that He wants us to be a part of His bigger family as adopted sons and daughters.  So, why are we not doing that with those who have rejected the Father’s adoption or who are struggling to understand Him?

Families are designed to protect the members.  Families are designed to handle internal and external struggles.  They are a place of belonging, of love, and togetherness.  Let’s help bring comfort to the lonely heart, to the broken spirit, and to those without a home by welcoming them into the family of Christ.

What Defines Home

Today, in this my 3rd blog post, I plan on reflecting on what God has shown me through some valuable people, transitions, and even dabble in metal music a bit!  Since arriving at Auburn, we the Interns (Will Don and Tiffany) have changed greatly and grown deeper in love with our Savior.  We have bonded well, and are really pulling together our strengths from our homes, and placing them into Chi Alpha at Auburn!  Will and I bring to the table something needed at Chi Alpha here, and thats an ability to really relate to and reach freshmen!  


       The interns led by Mark Croushorn handed out free sno-cones on campus the first few days that students arrived.  In simple interactions with over 900+ sno-cones handed out, (and free high fives and elbow fives) we landed 4 new freshmen men into our small group!  These fine young gentlemen have been such a huge blessing to Will and I!  God, in all His love and grace, revealed to us that we were not just another set of interns, but a much needed and integral part to Campus Church's ministry here at Auburn!
You see, packing everything you love into a truck and moving 800 miles away at the start of the summer seemed like no big deal.  After arriving at Auburn and realizing that all the people I had toiled with, become friends with, and loved with all my heart, were now so far away from me.  I had blindly followed God into my calling without weighing the costs.  And after about a month in, I began, and still do, feel homesick.  But as my World Traveling and now very British friend Erin West reminded me
For spelling and grammar corrections please email one of my favorite archers Jason Blaesing at Gopherelcx@hotmail.com


"Dude. Home is the Lord. Center yourself there or it will eat you alive. There are days I have to give it to the Lord over and over and over again. Trust he knows what he's doing and that's where you'll find peace."

This had such a true ring to it!  The fact is, as I look around I have a family and a home at Campus Church!  Time and time again He has shown me this!  And I hadn't realized it!  Well lets look at how:

Student Leadership Retreat:

The first time we met the students in their full capacity was at a hunting lodge 30 minutes away from campus.  Students who I have never met in my life were hugging me, introducing themselves to me, and making me laugh as if I had known them my entire life!  We broke bread, ate, worshiped, and celebrated together for a weekend and I felt not only including, but integral to the needs of their ministry! And it was not just because I was an intern.  It's their culture here, and in their DNA.  In fact, one of their own flesh and blood had a rare form of cancer attacking him.  Ben had been undergoing surgery that week far away in baltimore, and we had taken to praying for him.  However, they didn't want to just pray for him, they wanted ben to hear it!  So we recorded a prayer on several cellphones and prayed our hearts out for this kid!  This was family.

Longwood:

Even since coming to Auburn, I have seen my friendship grow and strengthen from Longwood and Home.  I am proud to say my Grandmother has been going to church again!!  This week marked 4 weekends in a row she has attended Vienna Assembly of God!  Even our relationship has become closer and more intimate!  Only God could remove me from home and make the situation better :)  Distance creates strength!  I talk frequently with Jessica Pope and Rebecca Suiter, and when her dissertation isn't eating her alive Erin West. Relationships that I considered somewhat close and definitely important have only grown stronger.  

Jesus in my Psalm Devotions:

Psalm 20:1,4-5 states that (and yes I cried out Homesick to Him that had no home) 

In times of trouble, may the Lord answer your cry.  May the name of the God of Jacob keep you safe from all harm.

May He grant your heart's desires and make all your plans succeed.  May we shout for joy when we hear of your victory and raise a victory banner in the name of our God.  May the Lord answer all your prayers.

We have a good good Father don't we?!  He answered my cry before I cried out where is my home!  I have a family and a wonderful set of friends!  Brothers who have held me and forced me to stand my ground in battle with them.  I was set on going to a metal concert with one of my small group members Gabe.  Unfortunately, tickets had sold out before I knew they were even selling them.  In a moment of weakness I texted him that I was seeing red with anger and he, in Gabe like humor said, "Don't worry about it dude, count your blessings, I see dead people."  Encouragement wrapped in humor.  Someone who I have shared a table with 4 or 5 times has now become something so much more.  One simple text that took 20 seconds to type changed my outlook.  

Now the so what?  Why do I spill all this out on paper (blog)?  For one it's an altar to remind me that I am not alone.  That following God isn't always easy, but its the most fulfilling.  I am not a master wordsmith.  I am no author.  It's hard for me to explain all this into a simple blog.  However I am a man that is seeking after God.  I am homesick, missing my friends.  Some I've known since I was in elementary and middle school.  Friends that I would literally go to war with to defend their honor.  Friends and family who without whom I wouldn't know my Lord or what it means to love.  We are meant to be in relationship with one another.  This world is not my home!  I am a stranger passing through but I will make the best of what He has given me!  SDG as my friend and poet Chris Bernstorf would put it.  Again talking about brothers, this guy while touring the US took a simple moment to write a post card.  Little things like this make the world to people!  So whether far away or close to home, I am thankful for those who I have encountered, made camp with, and gone to battle for!  

The Captain, what will He send?
I know He will send, but what will be sent?
I can feel a slip. A buzzard scrapes nearby... 
As I, atop this hill, stand and scream, 
It's all I can do to control my gaze
From the curiosity of seeing myself as prey.
And then I heard an armored march.
I heard an armored march that shook the trees, that shook the trees.
Bows bent as they sang, "We are the archers!"

My friends!  You are my archers.  My family, You are my archers!  Thanks for showing me that home is being with you, whether far or close at hand. 

Arriving at AU! War Eagle!

795 miles, 60 gallons of gas, meeting a brother you have never seen before and his lovely girlfriend and son, and your roommates grandparents = Priceless.

Lets break the journey down!

SO! I left Vienna around 1:30 pm on the July 31st. I had packed everything in my room, my life, and anything that I did not want my grandma to throw away and I set a course directly for Lynchburg to pick up the roomy (Will Einhorn).  Driving a 10' budget truck with horrible steering and mirrors that were poorly adjusted, no radio, and as I would later discover a faulty filter net on the gas containment, proved to be quite a challenge.  But I had created a wonderful 4 hour metal playlist with favorites such as Oh Sleeper, War of Ages, Blood of the Martyrs, Chris Bernstorf, and Bring the Arsenal, so tunage was not a problem.  The highway was easy to maneuver until I reached the hilly mountains surrounding Lynchburg.  Unbeknownst to me the Budget truck could not exceed 80 miles an hour and trying to maintain 70+ on hills was incredibly difficult.

I arrived safely to Willhelm's around 5pm.  We then (we being not key phrase here) loaded up the truck with the assistance of his sister Megan and a very delightful and cheery neighbor.  We spent the night hanging out talking of old times, new hopes, and a variety of topics.  Will crashed early, and I spent a good 3 hours with Megan watching hilarious Saturday Night Live clips, Epic Rap Battles, and Sim City spoofs.  We left early (for me not for will) around 1030 after supporting Chic-Fil-A day!  This time armed with my roomy to guide me in and out of traffic, an 8 hour Metal-tastic playlist, including Alabama Born and Raised Gideon, we headed towards Winder Georgia to Gdawg Einhorn and Gma Einhorn's house.  We only paused for one stop at a gas station in Georgia (with highly sketchy stores surrounding it).  As I began the trip, as I normally do before any major road extravaganza, I made a facebook status about where I was headed.  PRAISE GOD I DID!  My half-brother, whom I now consider my own flesh and blood brother, saw I was headed towards Atlanta and we started texting and decided to meet up!

Shortly after arriving at House Einhorn, Will and I were lavished with Grandma hugs and Kisses and food, of which all were amazing!  I quickly showered, and headed out to meet my brother.  Daniel, Bonnie, their son Rylan (MY NEPHEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes, I am an Uncle, as scary as that sounds).  Now God is truly amazing!  Through all the pain, sorrow, and Fatherlessness that Daniel and myself went through, we found safety and security in the same Holy Father.  We exchanged stories, laughs, and deep wounds that solidified the fact that forgiveness is hard to give sometimes.  Finally, after a good 2 hours and some delicious mellow mushroom I returned back to Grandparent Einhorns and chilled with the whole house for a little while.  Getting up late (Will's Grandmother must love ignoring alarms as much as I do!) we headed for the nearest gas station to refuel, when God bless Grandpa Einhorn, he filled us both up!  Another 4 hour trek sat before us!

At this point, with great disregard for speed limits we plowed through Atlanta, which as far as cities go was Beautiful from the outside looking in.  Roads were easy to maneuver and understand and traffic wasn't all that bad!  As we closed in to Auburn Alabama we noticed War Eagle signs everywhere, a time zone change, and Orange and Blue as far as the eyes could see.  I of course through love and dedication texted Gregg Pawlik War EAGLE.  And with love and respect he said he did not know me.  We arrived at Mark Croushorn (last years AU CMIT) apartment and quickly set out for orientation.

Since Orientation the Interns (Will Einhorn Tiffany Ethridge and Myself) the Campus Church Staff Kelly Fly and Mark Croushorn have many adventures!  These have included a Semi-Pro Beach Volleyball Game, Bananagrams, A 20 minute hilarious discussion on what Cashew Nut Shells look like, Lord of the Rings, Star Wars, Praying at Campus Church for Freshmen, International Students, and General Petitions, Learned how to make a PodCast and update and upload to a website, and many other amazing adventures.  I wish I could compile them all into a single blog post but it would take ages.

I wish to end on this note.  Today, August 8th, I have begun doing something different in my Devotional Life.  Its called the one thought method.  By taking a small piece of scripture, praying it over and over to God, and in your life it becomes apart of you.  God speaks to all of us!  Using the one thought method I believe you can grasp one thought of His to.  He is alive and He wants a relationship with all of us!  I pray that anyone who wants to try something new and indepth in their devotional life should check out the workbook Fellowship with God by Bobby Clinton!  Its amazing, easy, and powerful!  God loves you!!!

Deut 1:29-31  But I sad to you, Don't be shocked or afraid of them!  The Lord your God is going ahead of you.  He will fight for you, just as you saw him do in Egypt.  And you saw how the Lord your God cared for you all along the way as you traveled through the wilderness, just as a father cares for his child.  Now he has brought you to this place.

Where ever the Lord Jesus takes you, or has placed you He has already gone ahead and is fighting for you and with you.  Believe with your whole heart, do not be stubborn but faithful that even in adversity we have a God who protects!  If you are still in that desert place ask for guidance to your promised land.  For it is flowing with milk and honey!  Amen.

The road to RUI

My first post!! So Will came up yesterday evening. After catching up a bit we headed out to ihop with Erin West and Mel. Enjoyed good food and conversation.

This morning Will and I headed to the DC Greyhound bus terminal. After a quick analysis we realized we got there way to early. With spare time we headed to the nearby Ebenezer coffee shop. The one and only Mark Batterson and NCC teams place. There we shot our first video blog.

We got back to the Greyhound station only to be delayed for an hour. Came into contact with several interesting people. Realized, quite humorously that my calendar and God's calendar are very different and that it would be easier if I could just sync them together.

God, please place Will and I in places to share testimonies and encourage us to be bold. May we be intentional and real with everyone we come into contact with. Also get us to Missouri on time.